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III. Crepusculum
III. Crepusculum
Cre∙pus∙cu∙lum [‘kreh- PUS-kyuh-lum’], Noun (II, N.)
Latin, from Creper (dark, dusky, obscure)
Evening Twilight, Dusk
The last light of day
That life we survived
That life we survived
October 2025. Age 21.
October 2025. Age 21.
It was twelve, or thirteen
It was a silver iPod
and hot pink wired earbuds
It was me and Book Club Boy –
way too fast, too young, too deep –
something about fixing him
gave me hope he might fix me
It was the age of schoolyard crush
of YA Greek gods fantasy
I watched her through his eager eyes
the math made him my crush that week
It was who we were, back when we were going to die
It was after the first funeral
but before the others
before “Depressed Kids Club”
and the grave
It was an itch
deep under my skin
wrong, parasitic
demanding extraction
It was not living
but rather how we killed the time
giggling on sugar highs
while dodging creaking floorboards
iPod 2
iPod 2
January 16, 2014. Age 10.
January 16, 2014. Age 10.
iPhone 5s
iPhone 5s
July 4, 2017. Age 13.
July 4, 2017. Age 13.
[I learned to walk the stairs]
[I learned to walk the stairs]
December 2019. Age 15.
December 2019. Age 15.
I learned to walk the stairs
And make no noise
Soften the footsteps
Soften the voice
In theory
The absence of words
Can’t be words held against you
But apparently
That was the wrong thing to say
Turn away
Not today
I will not
Let you play
With my emotions
I can’t stay
Walk the stairs
And make no noise
Soften the footsteps
Soften the voice
You've stripped me of skin
And left me no choice
You’ll make empty claims
No matter my poise
So I pull it all in
Hide away
Withdraw
My cards from a game
I’m not playing at all
I know you’re just stressed
I’ve always cared
But this is relentless
And right now I’m just scared
And alone
An alien within my own home
Wherever that may be
Apparently I have two
But neither contain only traces
Of the life I once knew
So I just wait for you
To walk the stairs
I make no noise
I listen for footsteps
The sound of your voice
I can’t help but tense when you come near
Though you’re the only person I want here
Flatline
Flatline
Circa 2017. Age 13.
Circa 2017. Age 13.
The day you stopped breathing was the day I stopped living
although your heart is no longer beating and mine is
my heart will bleed with grief until I too__________
Nightfall
Nightfall
November 10, 2025. Age 21.
November 10, 2025. Age 21.
The fear comes at sunset
When I die
When bright, exploding color
Overtakes the sky
A peaceful end
A meaningful one
I’ve lived so many sunsets
I sought a finale that wasn’t ugly
And fell in love with the coming of dusk
So long spent
Chasing beauty
I’d forgotten to consider
The darkness that follows
Seams
Seams
September 16, 2018, 11:40pm. Age 14.
September 16, 2018, 11:40pm. Age 14.
It feels like I'm falling
Like I'm never able to catch my breath
The walls are closing in
A pit of nothingness
I'm lonely
I'm falling apart
Bursting at the seams
Consumed by the ringing
In my own ears
The tornado of my mind
I want someone to know me
I'm lost
Crepuscular Sky.
Crepuscular Sky.
2016. Age 12.
2016. Age 12.
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